Ever since I was a little girl, I’ve wanted to perform. Give me a stage, a script or a song and I’m good to go. I’ve always known that’s what I wanted to do.
Let this be known: I have not always been a good performer, but I’ve never had a problem with nerves. I had the talent and potential but it took a few years for it all to click together.
Once I got into the swing of things, realized that songs actually can have meaning and found that I didn’t need to be afraid to move, my performances improved a butt load. Now I know I’m good–it’s something I’ve worked on and will continue to work on. That could explain why I love it so much–it’s something that I love to improve on.
Since then, performing has been a crucial key in my happiness. Nothing beats being on a stage, touching an audience or giving them an experience to remember. The high is truly addictive and is one of the best things in the world.
And then we have my second passion … writing. Singing was one escape–but when I couldn’t sing, I’d write. I was the girl at recess who would sit in a corner, humming to myself and writing stories about horses or secret clubs. I didn’t really get into poetry until college, but I love it now! Song writing came in the picture around the same time poetry did since they can be similar. A lot of the time, when I wasn’t doing homework, I’d be writing. One of my reasons for becoming an English major was so I could excuse my countless hours writing on something somewhat productive. :D
Of course, because of my studies, internships and whatnot, now I’m basically a writer (for three different companies currently). I must say that it is pretty awesome to get paid for something that I love to do. My experiences have been varied but I can honestly say I’ve loved each and every single one of my writing jobs. Each opportunity has had many lessons and things to learn and adapt to.
And this is where I run into trouble. I feel like because I’ve become so involved in my writing jobs that I’ve been neglecting my number one. That makes me very sad and frustrated.
My last audition for the Sound of Music at Hale Center Theatre went really well. Even my contact there told me that the directors thought I did great. When I told him they hadn’t called me, he was somewhat taken aback. When I told him my work schedule, then he understood why I wasn’t cast. Yep. My horse was shot down.
I have the talent, I have the drive… but I lack a decent schedule. And I’m not sure I like this picture.
Because of my job schedule (one of my jobs has me working Wednesday-Friday evenings), the odds of me getting cast in any kind of play or musical right now are so slim that it literally makes my heart hurt. What makes it even harder is that this job is one that I really like–I’m basically getting trained to be a TV News Producer and the experience is amazing.
When I think about it, being a News Producer isn’t a lifetime aspiration for me. It could potentially be a job that I would love, which wouldn’t be a bad thing to have at all. My biggest thing is that I need a performing outlet somewhere in my life. If something keeps me from being able to perform, I have a feeling I would grow to resent it. Performing is that integral of a part of me.
So now I’m at the point where I need to decide which is more important to me. How do you pick between two loves?
And then there’s another question–should I move to some place like LA, New York or Nashville where there are more performing opportunities than in Utah?
They say if you want something enough and do everything you can to get it, it can become reality.
Now I guess the issue is … what would be worth sacrificing for your number one passion?
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